By Deanna Patterson

Has someone ever done something nice for you? Were you truly thankful? Have you ever done something nice for someone and been thanked for it? How did you feel?

Gratitude is a positive emotion, which involves a feeling of emotional indebtedness towards another person, often accompanied by a desire to thank them or to reciprocate for a favor they have done. There is nothing that can take the place of a heart of gratitude. The grateful person is mindful of the good things done to or for him. He considers the good done and is filled with a heart of gratefulness. Individuals are more likely to experience gratitude when they receive a favor that is perceived to be valued.

What keeps a person from being grateful or thankful? Focusing on the wrong thing – self! We live in a society where the focus is on self; and when the focus is self, there is no reason to be grateful because we think we deserve nice things. And pride is the root of self-focus. The prideful person easily defers to selfishness. He or she, either consciously or unconsciously takes no consideration of the source of the kindness. This ingratitude is selfish and mean-spirited.

Satan is a perfect example of one full of pride. In Isaiah 14 we are told how satan desired to be higher than God and to make himself higher than God. Ezekiel 28:12-19 tells us that satan was perfect but his heart became lifted up because of his beauty. He was not grateful to God for his existence or his beauty. His heart was filled with pride, thinking himself higher than the Giver of Life. This was the same temptation he presented to Eve in the garden of Eden – to be so full of oneself that the desire would be to be independent of God.

A prideful person will find all kinds of excuses for not being grateful. He may secretly be holding a grudge against the giver, which would cause his heart of pride to swell with an attitude of defiance and hatred. He is unable to be grateful to the one he harbors bitterness against because his focus is on himself.

A prideful person takes little or no thought of the feelings of others. He or she selfishly fails to acknowledge what another does or the value of the gift giver. He is actually showing by his actions that he thinks he is better or more important than the giver.

And if the excuse is time or forgetfulness, the root is still pride. The person sends the message that the gift is unappreciated by using lack of time or forgetfulness as an excuse for selfish egoism.

How do you become a grateful person? First, being in right relationship with the Creator is of utmost importance. We are totally dependent on God, but if we are harboring sin in our hearts, there is no way that we can begin to be grateful to God or anyone else. It is only in truly realizing what God has done for us through the gift of His Son, that we become humble of heart and overcome our arrogant selfishness in order to have a heart of gratitude. The more we realize how indebted we are to God and deserving of nothing but eternal punishment, the more grateful we will be for the many ways He and others benefit us. When our hearts are right with God, we are thankful to Him, we are able to give without hesitation and we are able to freely show gratitude for the kindnesses he sends our way.

Secondly, understanding that we are to do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than ourselves. Each person should look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others (Philippians 2:3-4). When we focus on the value of what is being given and consider the feelings of the giver, we are more apt to have a grateful heart. A sense of gratitude to others is thus acknowledging our interdependent existence and is an antidote to the illusion of egoism.

A person can only be grateful when he understands that he is receiving an undeserved gift; and he can't be grateful for what he takes for granted or for something he thinks he has earned. I'm only genuinely grateful when I know that I'm the recipient of grace.

In our hectic, fast-paced lives, it's easy to forget about the many things for which we have to be grateful, but it is so important not lose sight of the things that we all too easily take for granted. If we focus on the problems in our lives, the tendency is to be ungrateful, but if we focus on the good things we have, we tend to be grateful.

The next time you are presented with a gift or kindness, take the time to realize what it may have cost the giver and truly value the giver and his or her gift. Think through how your life is affected by the gift. Say "thank you" with your words and with your life. Gratefulness is more than just feeling thankful, it is showing others how they have benefited your life. Invest effort in thanking those who do something good for you. Take the time to thank the giver or show your appreciation for the kindness done to you. And keep a check on pride, which is the root of an ungrateful heart.